My first admission, before I get on with what I intend on saying – this is a straight rip of my girlfriend’s post of the same topic.

Now that that’s out of the way and I won’t get slammed for stealing precious intellectual property, I have a few things to say to my unborn child.

Stephen Hawking has just announced that time travel is possible. With that in mind, even though I don’t have a large hadron collider and a rocket ship faster than the speed of light, I’d still like to imagine I can visit you 20 years down the road and ask you all the things you wish I would have done differently. My hope is that you’ll love me dearly and tell me you don’t regret one moment of being my son/daughter.

In reality, you’ll probably tell me you really wish I’d bought you that computer/phone/apple gadget you wanted so badly when you were 16. I’d like to think I will teach you not to place such value on material things, but I know I like shiny things with buttons and touch screens and such, so how could I deny you of the same wants?

Here’s a few things I promise to do with you as you grow up. I’ll keep it bulleted, cause I know how kids these days hate reading.

  • Take you to your first, seventh and twenty-third concert. Rock, folk, indie, funk, soul … we’ll vary it up. Just no emo/screamo/justin bieber. for the love of all that is sacred. no justin bieber.
  • Let you beat around my old guitars. Get a ukulele / mandolin / schroeder’s piano from peanuts in your hands at age 5. maybe sooner, if your mom allows it in between all the books she’ll have you reading.
  • Talk to you like a human being (in addition to all the gibberish baby talk).
  • Teach you to sing (and harmonize with your dad). Remember it comes from your diaphragm, not your throat! Unless you’re Ray LaMontagne. Then it comes from that cloud of smoke inside your lungs that you never exhaled. On that note, don’t even think about being a smoker.
  • Read to you. You’re going to get literature totally crammed down your throat by your mother, but I want some input, too. I’m going to read you cool shit like The Age of Spiritual Machines, High Fidelity and when you’re ready, 1984, For Whom The Bell Tolls and Fight Club. I’ll leave the ones about kids with magic sticks, rings and hats to your mom.

That’s all for now … you’re going to get such an amazing cultural education at home, that I can promise you. Oh, and before I forget, we’re going to love the absolute shit out of you.

Sincerely, your dad.