Lately, due to what can only be described as a disgusting holiday sugar-and-carbohydrate binge, I’ve found myself having trouble fitting into pants, wearing my favourite t-shirts, and generally not looking and feeling like slimer of the Ghostbusters or maybe Meat Loaf circa Rocky Horror. Therefore I thought it high time to do something, anything to work my way back to at least some semblance of normal shape.
Considering it’s already mid-January, I deem the following statement not to be a new year’s resolution, but more of a challenge to myself and a step toward better health. For the next 365 days, I shall not consume a drop of the frothy, delicious, buzz-inducing, malty, hoppy goodness known as beer.
I can hear the gasps of horror and groans of disappointment for miles around. I can also hear the snickers of cynicism. Am I insane for attempting such a thing? Maybe. But I promise to you, dear reader, that during the next year, I will do everything in my power to ensure that not an ale, lager, stout or draught will touch these lips.
Now don’t get me wrong – that doesn’t mean I’m going altogether dry. What, do you think I’m crazy? No way. It just means that after a healthy amount of consideration, I have deemed that there are other ways to get a nice buzz on and keep my caloric intake to a minimum. That’s where I need your help – what’s the healthiest drink? Wine? Martinis? Tequila? God, I hope it’s not tequila. That would be awful.
Also don’t think that this idea doesn’t scare the absolute poop out of me. Beer is a big part of socializing for me. I like to have them at the pub during a rousing chat with friends, whilst watching a great live show and sometimes with a meal at home. This is going to be tough. But I’m convinced that I’m going to come out feeling better about myself.
Also, when my year is up, and I reward myself with a lovely pint, it is going to taste like the best beer I’ve ever tasted in my entire life. My plan after that is to keep beers in the mix, but to consume in moderation. We’ll see how it goes, folks.
So here we go. 2010 – a year without beer. Be afraid. Be very afraid.